In Which Vendetta Reads Crappy Urban Fantasy

[Vendetta]

OK, so after many diatribes against terrible urban fantasy writers like Laurel K. Hamilton and Stephenie Meyer, I've decided to engage in a little masochism.

I've noticed that there are quite a FEW of these urban fantasy book series' on bookshelves, and I was just curious why they are so prevalent. So, I will be reading the first book in a given series from authors who are known for their terrible urban fantasy/romance novels. If it has vampires, werewolves, faeries, demons, wizards/witches (or "half" versions of ANY of these) and a "hot chick" in an entirely too tight rubber suit on the cover, I will probably be reading it.

So far the books I've seleced are as follows (in no particular order):

Working for the Devil by Lilith Saintcrow
Bitten by Kelley Armstrong
Magic Bites by Ilona Andrews
Moon Called by Patricia Briggs
Dead Witch Walking by Kim Harrison
Halfway to the Grave by Jeaniene Frost
Touch the Dark by Karen Chance
The Becoming by Jeanne C. Stein
Full Moon Rising by Keri Arthur (submitted by UNODRAGONE)

If you'd like to suggest some that you feel I've missed, feel free to post them in here (title AND author please, I'm not psychic.) Do NOT recommend Laurel K. Hamilton, Charlaine Harris or any true romance writers (I don't care HOW supernatural their "characters" are.)

After I read one I will post a review here.

[UNODRAGONE]

'Full moon rising' by Keri Arthur. I actually love the series but I have seen some reviews that people have stated it falls into the Hamilton/trash romance catagory and would like to see your input on it.

[Vendetta]

'Full moon rising' by Keri Arthur. I actually love the series but I have seen some reviews that people have stated it falls into the Hamilton/trash romance catagory and would like to see your input on it.
Well it sounds like it fits. Although I am concerned that it seems like it's geared towards romance readers. I'll add it to the list (and whoops, update the books with Amazon links - sorry Chris, hard to teach an old dog new tricks.)

This part of the Amazon description tickled me though:
"When Rhoan goes missing, a naked yet powerful vampire, Quinn, appears on Riley's doorstep and asks for her aid."

[MetaKittie]

Bitten is a great book in my opinion. I haven't heard of the others.

[UNODRAGONE]

Well it sounds like it fits. Although I am concerned that it seems like it's geared towards romance readers. I'll add it to the list (and whoops, update the books with Amazon links - sorry Chris, hard to teach an old dog new tricks.)

This part of the Amazon description tickled me though:
"When Rhoan goes missing, a naked yet powerful vampire, Quinn, appears on Riley's doorstep and asks for her aid."


I can promise you it is not a mushy love story, I think the sex scenes give it that romance label.

[WareW-Believer]

...terrible urban fantasy/romance novels.

Bitten by Kelley Armstrong


Really? I must have bad tastes. Of course, I'm not one for romance novels. I didn't even know this one fell into the category of one. Both my girlfriend and I quite like her books, so I'm eagerly waiting for your take on this.

[Vendetta]

OK bought three books this weekend: Working for the Devil, Moon Called and Touch the Dark. And in fact am reading Moon Called as I type this, so expect a review in the next day or so.

[UNODRAGONE]

if I could add one more to the list, 'Howling at the moon' by Karen MacInerney. It recently popped up on my Barnes and Nobles list and it is listed under romance but the details on it sound a little cheesy so I am hoping for your input.

[Vendetta]

Well I can definitely say that Moon Called meets my criteria, just LOOK at this cover:

http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/9518/mooncalled4.jpg


Also, I think it says something about all these kinds of books that the only blurbs you see on the covers and backs are by OTHER terrible urban fastasy authoresses.

[J.L.R.]

Wow there is SO much promise to your journey... Vendetta you could be the Vampire/ Werewolf/ Witch/ Elf romance reviewer that Seanbaby was to horrible games, with his EGM's "And the Rest of the Crap". Then again... you do remind me of Seanbaby in many ways... :D And that is definitly a good thing...

Just be careful not to devolve into a sixteen year old Edward addict... that would be scary... really scary...

[McKitty]

Don't read Full Moon Rising. It's a horrible series. "Oh, lawls, I'm a vampire/werewolf who never actually fucking changes into a werewolf and the only powers a werewolf has is we're really good at being sluts!"

The Urban Fantasy is my secret fetish genre. I read them when I want to escape (hell, I'm writing one and it's going out to publishers now) but ...Full Moon Rising is just the trash of the trash.

[UNODRAGONE]

Don't read Full Moon Rising. It's a horrible series. "Oh, lawls, I'm a vampire/werewolf who never actually fucking changes into a werewolf and the only powers a werewolf has is we're really good at being sluts!"

The Urban Fantasy is my secret fetish genre. I read them when I want to escape (hell, I'm writing one and it's going out to publishers now) but ...Full Moon Rising is just the trash of the trash.


she actually does transform into a wolf, though I cannot remember in which book it is in and I know Rhoan changes into one as well

[Vendetta]

Review

Moon Called or Why Patricia Briggs Should Be Tried For Crimes Against Humanity

There is a common saying among authors that you should write 5 novels before you actually publish your first. Sadly, in Patricia Briggs' case, she probably should've written 20-30. As Moon Called, while being the first in the Mercy Thompson series, is actually her 8th book! I can only imagine the horror of those other 7.

It's plain after 25 pages that someone needs to take some writing classes or failing that, at least get a better editor. This amatuerish book is filled with hackneyed flashbacks and silly dialogue that actually caused me to wince more than a few times. Look, I get that you're trying to relate a backstory to the readers, but do so casually and flowing with the story, not squeezing in pages of crap told in an internal monologue, or in obviously forced dialogue between characters.

And while you're at it, maybe you could write characters that aren't 2-dimensional cookie-cutter cliches. I mean sure, main character Mercy (short for Mercedes) Thompson sounds cool as a hard-knuckled, but fair mechanic (oh-ho a mechanic named Mercedes - Briggs you rascal!) who also happens to be able to turn into a coyote and kick bad-guy ass. The problem is there is very little ass-kicking in this book, and hardly any of it is done by the main character. In fact, for a series that's supposed to be about a "strong" female protagonist, she seems to have her bacon saved more than once by the overtly hunky males. And other than fixing cars and owning a gun (oooohhh) she doesn't even do much that's even remotely edgy.

And even with all these the story isn't much to look at once you strip it of it's urban fantasy elements (faeries, coyote girl, werewolves, and very briefly, vampires.) In fact the story falls apart almost completely by the end, where it looks like Ms. Briggs just gave up and came up wit hthe first stupid idea she could and went with that. But she's not done yet, no not by a long shot. Now she's got to set up the inevitable romantic friction between her female protagonists and the two "hunky" male werewolves who probably proceed to vie for her for the next 5 books (I won't know, I refuse to read any more of this dreadful crap.)

The saddest thing for me about this book is that after reading the back cover and book descriptions online, this was the one I was actually thinking I might like (or at least not have such a deep loathing for.) How mistaken I was.

[UNODRAGONE]

in all honesty, I liked that series but I have to be honest, after reading your review and thinking about the story, it's true. Mercy was portrayed as a badass, but to be honest I think in the second or third book she fights for herself but pretty much you're right everyone else comes to her aid. As far as the two hunky werwolves fighting for her, add a vampire and you pretty much got the jist of it.

[Vendetta]

Hmmmm, would anyone mind getting a handful of (awful) books that have only been read once?

I smell a contest.

[Shaun]

Does it count if it was so horrible we didn't finish reading it? If so, The Bachman Books by Stephen King without a doubt belongs here.

[Chiron Jackal]

Are books ever so shitty that they're good in the same way as a really bad movie? Like, is there the literary equivalent of Plan Nine From Outer Space?

[Tempest]

Are books ever so shitty that they're good in the same way as a really bad movie? Like, is there the literary equivalent of Plan Nine From Outer Space?

Yes. Twilight.

[McKitty]

she actually does transform into a wolf, though I cannot remember in which book it is in and I know Rhoan changes into one as well

Turning into a wolf just to quick-heal herself does not count.

The series could have been decent, but it's a Anita-Blake wanna-be.

[blueeyes]

I'd put Moon Called as more serviceable. It's filled with hackneyed cliché and doesn't really bother leading to its final conclusion, but on the other side of things, the writing doesn't leave you wanting to tear your eyes rather risk seeing another damned word. The author actually seems to have bothered putting a plot together in Iron Kissed, albeit an overly telegraphed one. At the very least, she ends up actually seeming like a stronger individual and even taking on the bad guy herself in the second book, and tossing the romantic friction subplot by the end of the third book... although it does start seeming a bit closer to Mary Sue mode as time goes on, too.

Carrie Vaughn's Kitty Norville series, starting at Kitty and the Midnight Hour, are pretty much in the same boat. Readable, even with a few entertaining moments, but nothing memorable. Karen Macinerney's Tales of an Urban Werewolf series, starting with Howling At The Moon, have the same problems, but worse and with fewer redeeming moments.

When it comes to the ugly side, Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse Mysteries can't bring the same claim to technical expertise. I've got a higher tolerance for setting up setting than most people, but the first time I tried reading Dead Until Dark I couldn't get to the actual mystery with how painful the start was to read.

[DarkHunter]

Hmmm loner girl who is comfortable around vampires when everybody else is scared of them meets one at school and falls in love. Twilight? NO!

Demon in My View by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

I think enjoyment of these sorts of books is totally "Plan 9" kind of enjoyment and not because they're brilliant works of fiction. When all the tweens get together to catapult a book to mega popularity, beware.

[UNODRAGONE]

you must add this book to that list, the the main character is a typical barbie doll that gets bitten by a werewolf :rolleyes: The Accidental Werewolf by Dakota Cassidy

[MorganaFang]

Hmmm loner girl who is comfortable around vampires when everybody else is scared of them meets one at school and falls in love. Twilight? NO!

Demon in My View by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

You know for being 16-17 when she wrote those books, she at least sounded more well read and on top of her writing skills than batshit crazy Steph.

[Vendetta]

You know for being 16-17 when she wrote those books, she at least sounded more well read and on top of her writing skills than batshit crazy Steph.

And one more caveat: I won't read "Young Adult". Besides MF already knows how much I bag on Blood & Chocolate. :D

I don't know if I mentioned it yet, but I'm almost finished with Touch the Dark by Karen Chance.

[MetaKittie]

Halfway to the Grave made me gag when I read it.
The ultimate worst?
P.C. Cast novels.

Edit- Amelia Atwater-Rhodes was 13 when she wrote her first book. ^.^

[DarkHunter]

You know for being 16-17 when she wrote those books, she at least sounded more well read and on top of her writing skills than batshit crazy Steph.

I enjoyed those books a lot actually. The fact that she published so young helped inspire me to write. And her vampires don't glitter, which is a plus. I just figured it fit Vendetta's bill.

I think Meyer gets more heat than she deserves, partially due to how popular her books are. I would never call Twilight a priceless work of literature, but it is not without some value. The purpose of any story is first and foremost to entertain. There are flaws certainly, but most times people get hung up on flaws to appreciate the good qualities of a thing (be it a book, CD, etc).

[Vendetta]

The purpose of any story is first and foremost to entertain.
I'd actually disagree. The purpose of any story is to well, tell a story. And the purpose of stories can be as varied as grains of sand (which is probably a cliche I'd expect to see in one of Meyer's books.) And as for entertainment, people are entertained by all kinds of stupid shit, I'm not sure saying that a book is "entertaining" is necessarily a positive thing.

Also, regarding people focusing on the bad parts: I'm sorry, but when your bad parts outweigh whatever redeeming features your book may or may not have, I don't see that as a good thing. That basically sounds like an excuse to do a half-assed job on everything. I'm not saying everything has to be a brilliant work of art, but sometimes it seems like these people aren't even trying. And if they ARE trying and still not quite hitting the mark, they might want to put it aside and maybe try their hand at something else.



Also, Karen Chance review coming in a bit...

[J.L.R.]

I have to agree with Vendetta on this one. Partly what makes a movie or a book, at least for me, entertaining is a well structured story. To me, this goes hand in hand. If people are easily entertained by junk, ultimately, to me, this means that they aren't getting enough quality literature in their diet. If you only eat junk food, you'll never know about the good stuff.

[Vendetta]

Touch the Dark by Karen Chance

Keeping with the theme of women in skimpy outfits on the cover, Chance's Touch the Dark does not dissapoint.
http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/7809/51lrbmwdddl.jpg

But I will say I WAS surprised by this book. Based on the blurbs and reviews I had read of Chance's stuff, I had thought this book would be the one most heavily leaning towards romance, but I am actually pleased to report that this was NOT the case at all. And in fact, after all the characters and the world were laid out (OK, this didn't really happen until the second half of the book,) I found I could actually enjoy it a bit.

Don't get me wrong though, there are a bunch of things wrong with this book. Not the least of which is how Chance manages to fill over 300 pages of writing with not a lot of actual substance. Yes stuff happens, a LOT of stuff (more on this later,) but at the end of it all, I realized that the whole book felt more like an introductory chapter. Hell events in the book take place, by my count, over only a few days time.

That brings me to my second problem with Chance's writing in this book. A lot of stuff happens in this book, and sometimes the it jumps around faster than a marsupial on crack! I man it starts off mild-mannered enough: Cassie Palmer is a clairvoyant who can talk to ghosts and is being pursued by a mafioso vampire. And then suddenly, BAM, she's thrust into vampire politics as apparently the vampires have a senate and not only do THEY want her, but so do the humans in the form of a black and silver circle of mages. Then BAM, suddenly they're in Vegas, and then there's a wise-ass dark faerie, wererat satyrs (I'm not kidding here,) witches, more ghosts than you can shake a pointed stick at, and Rasputin! Oh and then there's TIME-TRAVEL on TOP of that! All-in-all it makes for a rather confusing jumble of crap. And just when things seem to be settling down and sorted out, the book ends, rather abruptly I felt.

Also, Chance really shows off her barely remembered high-school Italian and French, by interspersing foreign phrases with english from a few of her vampire characters. Yeah, we GET IT, they are foreign vampires. Personally, I highly doubt vampires who have thoroughly integrated into American society for at LEAST a century would still be using foreign speech (let alone have accents!)

On the plus side there was practically NO romance, and only a bit of sexual content near the end (which I understand is hard to avoid with vampire fiction - even though they are basically walking STDs.)

All told I really found it hard to totally dislike this book, and in fact may actually go out and hunt down the second book in the series and see if it gets any better. If I were forced to give it a rating, I'd probably give it 5 out of 10 pentegram tattoos. :rolleyes:

[DarkHunter]

I have to agree with Vendetta on this one. Partly what makes a movie or a book, at least for me, entertaining is a well structured story. To me, this goes hand in hand. If people are easily entertained by junk, ultimately, to me, this means that they aren't getting enough quality literature in their diet. If you only eat junk food, you'll never know about the good stuff.

I agree partially. I just think people's expectations shouldn't be that high considering the types of books these are. I deliberately isolate myself from crappy music, TV, and other pop culture nonsense. But when I do go playing in the filth I don't put expectations that it won't be filth.

I mean who doesn't stop at McDonalds every now and then? Doesn't mean it'll ever measure up to the good stuff, but that doesn't always mean you can't enjoy it anyway.

[greggchamberlain]

regarding Touch the Dark, vendetta...

sounds like the main problem with the book is that the author overloads it with fantastic characters, races, and ideas. like she's not sure she will get a chance to write or have published a second novel so she figures to pack everything into the first.

[Vendetta]

regarding Touch the Dark, vendetta...

sounds like the main problem with the book is that the author overloads it with fantastic characters, races, and ideas. like she's not sure she will get a chance to write or have published a second novel so she figures to pack everything into the first.
Butcher did this as well though. His first book had wizards, vampires, faeries, etc. He just managed to pull it off better IMO (although, as I have stated in the past, his first book is certainly not his best.) I think it was more the staccato pacing Chance used that I found disconcerting.

[McKitty]

I think Meyer gets more heat than she deserves, partially due to how popular her books are. I would never call Twilight a priceless work of literature, but it is not without some value. The purpose of any story is first and foremost to entertain. There are flaws certainly, but most times people get hung up on flaws to appreciate the good qualities of a thing (be it a book, CD, etc).

Her book is pushing her Mormon ideal that for a woman, the best thing in life for you to achieve is to be barefoot, pregnant, and subservient to an abusive man for the rest of your life. If you have any ambitions beyond that, you're shallow.

And it's being peddled as an ideal romance for 13 year old girls.

[john the baptist]

I think I have a book for you Vendetta, it's called Vampire Diaries.

[Vendetta]

I think I have a book for you Vendetta, it's called Vampire Diaries.
It falls under Young Adult, so no. There's a LIMIT to what I'm willing to subject myself to.

Also, I'm going to disqualify Working for the Devil by Lilith Saintcrow. It's not really urban fantasy, more like a Shadowrun-esque blend of sci-fi/near future and fantasy (sans elves, ogres and dragons and such.) Actually I ended up enjoying the book, even if it DID have some egregious errors near the end that should've been caught by any self-respecting editor. That and the fact that I HATE the author's name, as it sounds incredibly pretentious for a fantasy author (but apparently it's NOT a nome de plume.) But yeah, it wasn't too bad.

[Vendetta]

So I've got to run out and buy more books, so don't expect any new reviews for the next couple of days. I'll probably pick up Bitten in the next batch.

[DarkHunter]

How about Sunshine by Robin McKinley? Vampires, sorcerers, demons, etc. Another one I actually like though I don't think it falls under Young Adult.

[john the baptist]

Sad thing is, the crappy Tween vampire love stories are better than some of the one's written for adults. I've read few of either that I actually enjoyed.

[LV426]

I liked the Kim Harrison books.

[Vendetta]

I liked the Kim Harrison books.
I once started listening to an audiobook of hers, and I stopped after like 15 minutes because the prose was painful to listen to. We'll see if it's any better to read.

[Vendetta]

OK, I know you probably thought I forgot about you, didn't you? Rest easy my little princesses, I am here to give you good news. I have a new book to inflict... errr REVIEW for you.

Street Magic by Caitlin Kittredge, who sorely wishes she was born British

Before I get to the review proper, I'd like to issue a little cautionary tale. Don't worry, it directly relates to this book. I was up in LA for an extended weekend with nothing to read, so I hit the local Borders (mostly because I had a coupon.) After picking out a few sequels to authors I already knew, I recalled my commitment (sans straightjacket) to you people. So I perused the shelves in earnest this time. I stopped when I came to an author named Catlin Kittredge, whose name alone should've set off warning bells in my head. She had a prior series called Nocturne City, but as the store didn't have the first volume, I checked out her newest series: Black London. The back cover synopsis sounded decent, although there were the typical blurbs by the usual suspects of urban fantasy authors (Karen Chance and Lilith Saintcrow in this case,) as well a slug from something called the Romantic Times (I have, sadly, since discovered there are a handful of these crappy romance "review" journals.) Well that was nearly enough to make me put the book back, but lo, there on the cover, a quote by Jim Butcher, the Shakespear of the urban fantasy genre, that said simply: "Kittredge is a winner!" And so, armed with this knowledge I decided to take a chance. A terrible chance that would, in the end, very nearly cost me my sanity.

To call Kittredge a bad writer and a plagarist, would be an insult to bad writers and plagarists the world over. After reading this, I wanted to know more about what kind of "author" would perpetrate this sort of crime against literature on the world. Apparently Kittredge is fairly young and started writing when she was 13. It doesn't seem like she's matured much since then. She's also a huge fan of comics, which she has quite obviously stolen from quite extensively in this book. In fact I think DC Comics would be quite within their rights to sue her for character likeness rights for John Constantine in her main male character, a mage named Jack Winter. A man who manages to not only curse constantly (because he is a junkie to boot!) but does so with one of the worst-written uses of British vernacular and accents I've seen since Dick van Dyke's character in Mary Poppins (I know, I know, Van Dyke's character wasn't written. Just go with me on this.)

And if that wasn't bad enough, the story is nearly impossible to follow. Oh sure something is going on with little kids going missing and our main female protagonist, Pete Caldwell (oh look a girl with a boy's name, I've never seen that) must try to find them. But then Jack Winter shows up, whom Pete watched die over 10 years ago, and he starts yelling and cursing at her: "cor blimey, ya bleedin' slag! Sodd off!" (this is a fair approximation of actual dialogue.) All of this occurs without any explanation (and it is never really satisfactorily explained, even by the end.) Some stuff happens and Jack does some more yelling in Britslang. In fact this makes up roughly 50% of the book. The rest is a meandering thing that resolves with them somehow shacked up together (ohhhh, what a TWIST!)

And I'm sorry if this review is a bit disjointed and fragmentary, it just seems to be a side effect of reading this "shite" (as Kittredge would probably write.) Maybe Kittredge should go back to reading her comic books before she inflicts another holocaust of prose on society. Honestly, the only upside to this purchase was the fact that at $6.99 it's a buck cheaper than other equivalent crap books like this.

So let this be a lesson to you, don't listen to what some other authors were paid to write about a given book or author, I don't care how much you respect them. And now I can only assume that when Butcher was asked (at gunpoint - again, one can only assume) by his publisher to write "Kittredge is a winner!" I just take it to mean that he was standing in line behind her for Lottery tickets when she matched 3 numbers or that she came in first at the Urban Fantasy author's annual sack race.

I give it 2 "Cor luv!"s out of 10. Bloody 'ell!

[SaintAshers]

'Full moon rising' by Keri Arthur. I actually love the series but I have seen some reviews that people have stated it falls into the Hamilton/trash romance catagory and would like to see your input on it.

I have that book on the shelf right next to me...I loved it aswell...^^

[Vendetta]

Soon as Comic-Con is over I will try to get back to making fun of your favourite authors/books, have no fear.

[Vendetta]

So, it's been a while hasn't it? I'm sorry baby, I've been real busy. But you know you're my favourite back tattooed urban fantasy-girl right?

I hhad all but given up on this until I saw this cover (which I can only assume/hope is ironic?):
http://www.infinitas.com.au/ProductImages/9781416561330.jpg

Hopefully a review coming soon.

[Vendetta]

Wow, hard to believe I started this over 2 years. And while I haven't posted anything new in nearly a year, I'm bringing it back (much like sexy - which I will never be bringing anywhere.)

I had mentioned previously that I had Kim Harrison's Dead Witch Walking on audio book, but I have also started reading (listening to) Kelley Armstrong's Bitten (also on audio book).

So be looking forward to a "review" of Bitten in the next week or so.

[LV426]

Audio books are for losers. :p

I liked Kelley Armstrong's Bitten and I liked Kim Harrison's Dead Witch Walking series.

[Sinanju]

Audio books are for losers. :p


I have a 45 minute commute each way to work/school and my choice is between audiobooks, rush limbaugh/glen beck/other pundits, and radio stations that play TNT, another brick in the wall, and Katy Perry on perpetual repeat. I tried putting my kindle on text-to-speech but when I get going over 35mph or so the engine drowns it out :(

[Vendetta]

I liked Kelley Armstrong's Bitten and I liked Kim Harrison's Dead Witch Walking series.
You might not want to read my review of Bitten then. I'm not even half-way through and I've been pretty disgusted with the narrative and the characters.

[Mistress_Kalika]

I would suggest A Madness of Angels by Kate Griffin. I'd love to hear what you think of it, Venny. I personally was impressed not only with the way the story is written, but also the originality of the story itself. I love Matthew Swift as a character, and can't wait to read the third book in the series (although I will be rereading the first two, may even buy them for my Nook, no matter the cost)

PS: No sparkly vampires, either :P