Only You And Me (ADULT!!!)

[Destiny]

AGAIN, WARNING: THIS CONTAINS ADULT MATERIAL



Baby you're all I need,
To ease this pain inside,
My love, you're the one I want,
To lay down by my side.

Kiss my lips so gently,
Show me what it's like,
To be with the one you love,
On this-our night.

Fingertips caress your skin,
Pull you up to the surface,
Baby, I won't let you drown,
And I'll never get enough of this.

Bite my lip and growl,
Become my favorite animal,
Just don't bite me too hard,
I'm not looking for a cannibal.

Tease me with your hands,
Your tongue finding mine,
Please me in ways I've never felt,
Make my body shiver, my head turn light.

I'll claw at your surface,
Drawing white lines on your skin,
Let the blood flow reach places,
Made for this sin.

Roll me over gently,
And kiss me nice and slow,
Look at me with careful eyes,
Then ask if I'm sure I know.

When I shake my head,
And angle my body under yours,
Oblige me and slowly settle,
Into my every curve.

You've heard me call your name,
But never like this,
And baby I only want you and me,
To share this kind of bliss.

[Klark]

For my two cents, I would like to say that it's easy to imagine in the mind's eye what you're saying, which is a marker of good poetry.

It reminds me of one I wrote called "Break Me" which I will post after I'm done with this response.

There were a few places where my tongue tripped up, one of which was:

"Roll me over gently,
And kiss me nice and slow,
Look at me with careful eyes,
Then ask me if I'm sure I know."

where essentially I tripped on the last line, perhaps because there were too many syllables in comparison with previous stanzas.

Other than that, I liked it. I enjoyed reading it and seeing in my mind that I felt this way with my loved one.

On the KRS, I give it one and a half thumbs up. Well done!

[UNODRAGONE]

whoa lol I like the descent of innocent wanting to confirmed "uhem' needing :notworthy:

[Destiny]

Thank you Klark! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it. I wrote this one when thinking about...Well, my bf Inky. :)

Thanks UNO. Yeah, I was kinda embarrassed....Especially when I read it to Inky. :o

[BlasphemousHeart]

>.0 Why does your work still seem to scare me while being great?

[Destiny]

Oh shush! :p

Thanks Chael. Good to have you back. :D

[GoddessWolf]

While I will agree with Klark that there were a couple places that didn't quite flow while reading, I still enjoyed your poem.

I like poems that tell a story, no matter what that story may be, and yours certainly does!

[Destiny]

I had a problem with the same stanza Klark mentioned, but I'm not sure exactly how to fix it. :(

But thank you! :D

[GoddessWolf]

How about instead of Then ask me if I'm sure I know. you try "Ask if I'm sure I know."

[Pinnz]

That was simply amazing. I love your poetry, Des. Tells quite the story about, er, the descent of innocence. ;)

[Typical_getaway]

Hey Destiny, its Rhiannon ;), that poem is beautiful, I wish I knew what that felt like, to experience it myself, I almost can with how well you put it. I love it. and I love you!

[LUCIDmoon]

Beautiful poem. It's almost like you were pulling words right out of my head ;) I can relate to it.
I love the way it flows, and your rhyming is awesome, lol.