Mother Luna why?

[PsychoWolfy92]

When I look up at the sky I see your face slowly appearing. I can feel the curse slowly rising; the beast is tearing away at my mind waiting to be unleashed. Mother why do I have to lie to my family about myself? Why do you make me have to hide every time you unleash the beast? I fear for my loved ones. Why me mother? Why does this curse have happen to me? Mother, why do you torture me so every month when you come to visit; breaking down my humanity ‘til the beast in my soul is unchained? I can feel you coming Mother… I see you are near. Mother, why do the monsters like me come out when they see your shining face? Mother, why do I have to be like the monsters that I have seen? I didn’t ask for this to happen to me. Mother, I thought that monsters were just stories to scare children. Mother, why do monsters exist and why do I have to be one? The monster that hurt me gave me this curse. I didn’t want it! Mother, why do you torture me so? Why do you mend my body at your will? Why do you turn me into an animal? Mother, why do you hurt me so? What did I ever do to you but stare into your shining face? Mother, why? Mother, why do I have to be a monster? I use to love looking into your face; I loved how your face lit up the night sky. Now every time I look into your shining face I turn into a monster, Mother, why? Mother, your face is so bright in the night sky people smile when they see your face, but when I see your face mother all I can do is cry in pain as you break my bones and morph me like clay. Mother, why do you hurt me? Why do you poke and prod at my face with your burning glow? Mother, why? Mother please stop; you’re hurting me, mother. Please, Mother? It hurts so much, Mother, why?
Thanks for the help :D

[GhostBat]

Please tell me what you think leave a comment i suck at spelling an grammar so please take it easy on me?

If you're interested in writing you should be more hard on yourself in terms of spelling and grammar than any of us. Posting on a forum is not like speaking to someone in real time; you have the opportunity to correct errors in your writing before posting it for people to read. If you really expect anyone to take your writing seriously, you need to take it seriously yourself.

[PsychoWolfy92]

Yeah your right i should. but im not very good at grammar an spelling >,< well thanks for the comment i will get to fixing it right away to the best of my ability.

[DarkWolf]

There are many sites and text editors offering free spelling and grammar checking facilities. You can simply copy and paste it into those and do the checks, fix accordingly, and then copy and paste here (or whereever).

The reason why spelling, punctuation, and grammar are important is because it alters the meaning and flow of what you're saying. When speaking there are cues in speech and body that affect how we interpret the words. With written text we obviously cannot give those same cues so instead we use devices such as the three I mentioned.

I want to give you a few tips. These will seem extremely basic and may come across as patronising. I don't intend that but these are thing you missed or misused greatly and throughout even your edited version so I feel they should be highlighted. Basically, this is a punctuation lesson.

"..." You used this throughout your text and all but one occasion was wrong. It's called an ellipsis and is used to denote a part of a sentence that is missing. It represents a trailing thought where somebody is saying something but then stops mid-sentence with a pause and don't finish. The ellipsis is three sequential dots. Using extra dots just makes the line longer unnecessarily and harder to read.

"," The comma is used for a variety of ways but primarily indicates a breath or break in the sentence. A sentence is measured by a single breath. Sometimes a sentence can be long so it is divided where necessary into parts to make it easier. These parts are noted by use of the comma. One thing we divide and seperate is also a change of focus to add on a person reference as an indication of who the sentence is aimed at. Let's compare the following two examples:

A: "Sean, is a cat something that meows?"
B: "Sean is a cat something that meows?"

Sentence A demonstrates a person asking somebody named Sean if a cat is something that meows.

Sentence B demonstrates a person asking if Sean is a cat something that meows.

The meaning of these two sentences changes quite a lot and the only difference is the inclusion or lack of a comma.

";" The semicolon is one you used a lot and against all but one instance you used it wrong. The semicolon is used to essentially combine two complete sentences into one where the two sentences are too loosely connected to seperate with a full-stop. You only had one instance of this.

"?" The question mark denotes a question. I can't really explain it any further than that because that's all there is to it. I mention it because there were several occasions where you had questions without question marks.

"." I know I'm really sounding patronising here but there were several instances where you either failed to use one or used one at the wrong place. To put it simply the full-stop is used to signify the end of a sentence where other punctuation symbols are not needed.

I could go on but these were the worst ones.

Applying the above with a few spelling error fixes still evident after your editing I get the following:

When I look up at the sky I see your face slowly appearing. I can feel the curse slowly rising; the beast is tearing away at my mind waiting to be unleashed. Mother why do I have to lie to my family about myself? Why do you make me have to hide every time you unleash the beast? I fear for my loved ones. Why me mother? Why does this curse have happen to me? Mother, why do you torture me so every month when you come to visit; breaking down my humanity ‘til the beast in my soul is unchained? I can feel you coming Mother… I see you are near. Mother, why do the monsters like me come out when they see your shining face? Mother, why do I have to be like the monsters that I have seen? I didn’t ask for this to happen to me. Mother, I thought that monsters were just stories to scare children. Mother, why do monsters exist and why do I have to be one? The monster that hurt me gave me this curse. I didn’t want it! Mother, why do you torture me so? Why do you mend my body at your will? Why do you turn me into an animal? Mother, why do you hurt me so? What did I ever do to you but stare into your shining face? Mother, why? Mother, why do I have to be a monster? I use to love looking into your face; I loved how your face lit up the night sky. Now every time I look into your shining face I turn into a monster, Mother, why? Mother, your face is so bright in the night sky people smile when they see your face, but when I see your face mother all I can do is cry in pain as you break my bones and morph me like clay. Mother, why do you hurt me? Why do you poke and prod at my face with your burning glow? Mother, why? Mother please stop; you’re hurting me, mother. Please, Mother? It hurts so much, Mother, why?
There may still be some mistakes but this is mainly because I wasn't always sure what it was you are trying to convey.

There are many guides and tutorials out there so I do recommend having a google search and reading. I don't mean to be harping on at you but spelling, grammar, and punctuation are a lot more important in poetry than they are in general everyday text. The reason for this is because poetry is wordcraft - you are not just expressing a simple idea but rather building emotion, pictures, sounds, and sensations in the mind of the reader. Effective use of spelling, punctuation, and grammar can do that. Poetry relies a lot on rhythm, pacing, or the 'flow' of words which punctuation and grammar controls. If you want to be a poet then you're going to have to learn a lot on these things.

Now I'm going to discuss your poem as a poem.

I do get the emotion and point you're trying to express which is frustration with being a werewolf and such. The problem is that I got the entire point and message within the first couple of sentences. It's WAY too long. You're constantly repeating the same thing, over and over, in slightly different words. Repetition can be a good tool but here it is an annoyance that interferes with how you read the text. I was getting incredibly fed up with seeing the word mother all the time.

Vary things up and avoid repetition unless it serves a specific purpose such as to remind of an earlier point or emphasize a particular theme. In poetry the idea is to get a lot of emotion and whatever in as few words as possible. You have a very large paragraph to express what you could have put into a single short verse.

I like the theme of it, so please take my words only as constructive criticism and work more on it. A poem rarely shines because of a single hash-it-out attempt. Many poems, to be real poems, are written and rewritten multiple times. Poetry is harder than story-writing. It is probably THE most difficult form of writing there is to master. You're going to fail a thousand times, but when you make one that is good it'll all be worth it.

Keep at it! :D

[PsychoWolfy92]

There are many sites and text editors offering free spelling and grammar checking facilities. You can simply copy and paste it into those and do the checks, fix accordingly, and then copy and paste here (or whereever).

The reason why spelling, punctuation, and grammar are important is because it alters the meaning and flow of what you're saying. When speaking there are cues in speech and body that affect how we interpret the words. With written text we obviously cannot give those same cues so instead we use devices such as the three I mentioned.

I want to give you a few tips. These will seem extremely basic and may come across as patronising. I don't intend that but these are thing you missed or misused greatly and throughout even your edited version so I feel they should be highlighted. Basically, this is a punctuation lesson.

"..." You used this throughout your text and all but one occasion was wrong. It's called an ellipsis and is used to denote a part of a sentence that is missing. It represents a trailing thought where somebody is saying something but then stops mid-sentence with a pause and don't finish. The ellipsis is three sequential dots. Using extra dots just makes the line longer unnecessarily and harder to read.

"," The comma is used for a variety of ways but primarily indicates a breath or break in the sentence. A sentence is measured by a single breath. Sometimes a sentence can be long so it is divided where necessary into parts to make it easier. These parts are noted by use of the comma. One thing we divide and seperate is also a change of focus to add on a person reference as an indication of who the sentence is aimed at. Let's compare the following two examples:

A: "Sean, is a cat something that meows?"
B: "Sean is a cat something that meows?"

Sentence A demonstrates a person asking somebody named Sean if a cat is something that meows.

Sentence B demonstrates a person asking if Sean is a cat something that meows.

The meaning of these two sentences changes quite a lot and the only difference is the inclusion or lack of a comma.

";" The semicolon is one you used a lot and against all but one instance you used it wrong. The semicolon is used to essentially combine two complete sentences into one where the two sentences are too loosely connected to seperate with a full-stop. You only had one instance of this.

"?" The question mark denotes a question. I can't really explain it any further than that because that's all there is to it. I mention it because there were several occasions where you had questions without question marks.

"." I know I'm really sounding patronising here but there were several instances where you either failed to use one or used one at the wrong place. To put it simply the full-stop is used to signify the end of a sentence where other punctuation symbols are not needed.

I could go on but these were the worst ones.

Applying the above with a few spelling error fixes still evident after your editing I get the following:


There may still be some mistakes but this is mainly because I wasn't always sure what it was you are trying to convey.

There are many guides and tutorials out there so I do recommend having a google search and reading. I don't mean to be harping on at you but spelling, grammar, and punctuation are a lot more important in poetry than they are in general everyday text. The reason for this is because poetry is wordcraft - you are not just expressing a simple idea but rather building emotion, pictures, sounds, and sensations in the mind of the reader. Effective use of spelling, punctuation, and grammar can do that. Poetry relies a lot on rhythm, pacing, or the 'flow' of words which punctuation and grammar controls. If you want to be a poet then you're going to have to learn a lot on these things.

Now I'm going to discuss your poem as a poem.

I do get the emotion and point you're trying to express which is frustration with being a werewolf and such. The problem is that I got the entire point and message within the first couple of sentences. It's WAY too long. You're constantly repeating the same thing, over and over, in slightly different words. Repetition can be a good tool but here it is an annoyance that interferes with how you read the text. I was getting incredibly fed up with seeing the word mother all the time.

Vary things up and avoid repetition unless it serves a specific purpose such as to remind of an earlier point or emphasize a particular theme. In poetry the idea is to get a lot of emotion and whatever in as few words as possible. You have a very large paragraph to express what you could have put into a single short verse.

I like the theme of it, so please take my words only as constructive criticism and work more on it. A poem rarely shines because of a single hash-it-out attempt. Many poems, to be real poems, are written and rewritten multiple times. Poetry is harder than story-writing. It is probably THE most difficult form of writing there is to master. You're going to fail a thousand times, but when you make one that is good it'll all be worth it.

Keep at it! :D

Thanks for the help:D an thanks for the comment ^_^

[PsychoWolfy92]

I have thought about putting this on here, I'm not good at poems but i think it works in this category you think? its from a story i was writing. I want to know what you think. I worked very hard on fixing the spelling and grammar on it, i looked it over twice and i want to know what you all think thanks ^_^

Title: Forever More
Life it’s full of surprises, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you but monsters do exist, I should know I am one. Mother Luna sets the monster in me free, for Mother Luna’s glow breaks the chains and lets the monster out. The wolf roams the streets of my home town; anyone that gets in its path will die. If they don’t die they will suffer with my curse, forever. Mother Luna you set the beast in me free you break me down till I change into the beast and I will kill, forever more I will have this curse and I will live with this beast inside,I will have this curse. The night I got attacked I lived but forever more I will live with the curse that the creature gave me that the monster gave me. I lived through the symptoms of the infection as it flows through my veins and alters me, but I will live forever more with the curse and the horrible memory of the attack. It is burned into me. The beast will lay inside me forever more; I will change every night when Mother Luna comes to visit. Forever more my bones will break an change into the shape of the beast. Forever my features will change into an animal; forever more I will be the monster of the night. I will strike fear into mankind! Forever more I will make people fear to go out on the night of a full moon! I will stalk and kill my prey at night. Forever I will be a werewolf. Forever more, a beast of darkness, a monster; a person with a dark monster inside; forever more I will have this inside. Forever more, there will be a monster inside, I am a werewolf. No one will understand me. Alone; forever more a lone wolf; I am a monster forever more. I shall have this curse forever more; I will tell lies to keep my secret. Forever more a daughter of Mother Luna; I will kill; forever more, I will be a lost soul. I will be this forever more, a beast, a wolf with a human heart, a wolf with a human soul, a wolf with humanity, a wolf with a monster’s attitude, a wolf by night under the glow of a full moon, a human by day. An angry being, forever more, I am a werewolf, a lone wolf. Forever more I will suffer, forever, more….