Funny Things That Happen At Work

[Tempest]

Post whatever funny experiences you've had at your job, or at your school if you don't have a job yet.

I'm currently working a public library, where I pretty much just shelve books all day. I've found quite a few...interesting...objects while at work:

A pair of child's underwear
Rocks in the book drop
A pregnancy test box in the book drop, inside of which was a USED pregnancy test
Several chicken bones in the CD drawers
A pair of jeans on a couch (no one ever claimed them)

My coworker found a dead bird in a paper bag in the book drop. I personally think we should rename the book drop "random shit receptacle" because people apparently don't realize that the book drop is for books.

Recently, a woman walked up to me holding a copy of Lord of the Flies and said, "This is what Lord of the Rings is based off of, right?" It took all I had to not laugh. It also took me about 5 minutes to get it through her head that no, J.R.R. Tolkein did not get his ideas from William Golding and the two books are completely different.

[Klark]

Our old editor was a pretty good photographer, but she didn't always pay attention to what was in her photos.

In one edition of our newspaper, the large front page picture was of a Dad holding his daughter who was giving Herbie Husker a high five in the Cabela's Retail store. Sounds innocent enough until the next day when I saw the photo and cracked up laughing because of what was printed on his shirt.

His bright orange shirt was obviously meant for hunting, well, almost obviously. It read, "Dakota's are where the big cock hang out."

To make matters worse, when I pointed out that his shirt was also a sexual innuendo, I also noticed the title to the photo. It was called "What Big Hands You Have."

It took over a half hour for our editor to correlate the old adage of hand size to um..something else's size. Yeah.

I'm not making it up. Here's the photo with headline.

[Binkx]

I do phone surveys so obviously we are often confused for telemarketers.

Me: *recites half of the introduction*
New York Respondent: Go jump off a fucking bridge you bitch.
Me: Tell me the closest bridge to me and I gladly will.
NYR: Fuck you, bitch. *hangs up*

That was probably one of my favorite moments. I'll admit, if my supervisor over heard that, I would have been fired (we have to be nice, but we accept no and move on, seriously, we take numbers out automatically if told no)

And believe it or not I have called people while they were having sex and still WILLING to do the survey while doing so.

And one creepy guy was telling me his wife wouldn't mind if he flew me up there for a threesome and was begging for my personal number (kept giving him work number).

Another weird one was when someone did the survey while on the toilet. I can't say for certain what they were doing on the toilet (though it didn't sound pleasant) but it was extremely creepy hearing the flush.

I hate my job :cry:

[Klark]

The other currently fun thing I'm following up on is the case of Yer Yang. She was caught with some drugs in her car, and is currently going through our court system.

Here's the story. (http://www.suntelegraph.com/articles/2009/05/05/news/local_news/news02.txt)

There's nothing quite like calling up the County Attorney and asking him, "Is there any news on Yer Yang?" or "What happened with Yer Yang today?"

[UNODRAGONE]

Working multiple jobs you see the craziest shit.

F.Y.E – had a guy fall out of our roller coaster simulator in our arcade section and immediately throws up on a security guard. Had a guy buy a $14.99 cd and pay it all in pennies. Had a guy try to pick the lock by squeezing his hand through the gate and got it stuck. Had two parents fighting over some Barney video and one of them gave me a bloody nose when I tried to break it up. My boss asked me to put a DVD in the TV to be shown so I picked what I thought was a Popeye cartoon turned out to be an anime porno. Had some nut job draw a penis on a Britney Spears cut out. Good times.

Friendly’s – opened a package of lettuce and found it crawling with slugs. Had the stirrer part of the mixer fly off and knock the cup full of ice cream out of my hand and onto me, my co-workers and four customers. Got tips in numbers and one twat waffle gave me a used piece of gum. Had some idiot leave a dirty diaper under the table.

Library – Tempest is right; they put everything in the drop off box. Found in the drop off box: Blockbuster videos, pair of children’s shoes, used tampon, book from a NY library with an 'I’m sorry' note attached, video without the case and tape pulled out of it, and one dirty sock. Caught a couple having sex in the private room, caught a guy whacking off to the adult books section, found three children’s books with gum in them and actually had a guy come in and ask for a book on suicide and a book on different types of guns.

Bank – I worked as a credit card customer service rep before my nerves got the best of me and demoted myself. Had one lady who spoke no English and when I offered to connect her to Spanish speaking representative she declined. After five minutes she yelled, ‘why don’t you speak Spanish!? You should speak Spanish!!’ to which I replied (and got written up for) ‘because I live in America not Mexico.’ I had a guy call in pissed off at the president of our bank who was Italian and called the guy a dumb guinea. When I explained to him I was Italian decent and did not appreciate that he said, ‘oh well you are a good guinea, he is the bad kind’ the guy was Polish. I had one lady tell me her payment was late because aliens periodically took her mail to which I replied, ‘put aluminum foil around the mailbox’. Had a guy call up and repeatedly asked me to say ‘slide your credit card in the slot’ while he whacked off. Had some moron call and ask me to make up a story for some hotel purchases. Had some nice fellow send us a picture of a naked woman with a note, ‘use this to go fuck yourself with’.

Landscaping – dug a spot for me to plant a tree at a local mall and unburied 3 pairs of women’s underwear with blood on them and a thing of rope in a noose. Had some asshat drive his suv right into a bed of flowers I had just finished. Was up in a chimney cleaning when a squirrel rushed me, ran down my body, jumped up at my cousin, bit him in the knee then fell over dead before he reached the door. Was out clearing an abandoned lot and found a small stool, a playboy magazine and a box of tissues next to an open jar of Vaseline.

[Shaun]

I work in construction and I was at an office building putting in a new light fixtures after hours. One of the lawyers was there working late so I went into the room two offices away from him so I didn't bother him. I was cutting off some extra wire when the guy let out a horrendous fart. I jumped and cut my damn hand I was so surprised. Then he kept letting them roll! I guess he didn't realize I was there or didn't care but I had to get the hell out of there before my muffled laughter got me in trouble or I died from the fumes.

[Eagle Kammback]

Guy comes in to buy a "Vanilla Dutch" (no such thing, just plain Dutch Masters) And since I hate potheads screwing with me, I screw with all of them, I said, we don't have Vanilla Dutches, just plain ones
and he left

Guy comes in to buy a Dutch (different pothead) I as for date of birth, he says "18, 32, 47, 58"
"Can I have a real date of birth" and he just left

Somebody stole half a pack of extenz

somebody stole one reeces cup out of the king size (which are the same price as the small size this week)

3 cars broke down last night within a half hour

drug bust next door last night, everybody was complaining

[Tempest]

A couple of weeks ago, I was shelving some kids' comic books, which are located right next to the family bathroom. I hear this little kid behind me say, "Mommy, I'm going to the bathroom!" In he goes, and I continue shelving comics. A few seconds later, I start to hear this screaming. I don't mean screaming in pain, but like this kid was playing with some of his friends on a playground. It was really loud and incoherent.

I stood there for a few seconds, not really sure what to do. Then I thought I heard him say "madam" a couple of times, so I decided to tell my supervisor that this kid was going psycho in the bathroom. I didn't know if someone was wrong or what; I was very confused. As soon as I started to walk away, I heard the bathroom door open, so I turned around and saw this 7 year old kid poke his head out the door and look around like he was a felon on the run. Then he ran to his mom. I never did find out what that was all about...

I was working as a food runner at Ruby Tuesday a couple of years ago, and my whole job consisted of grabbing plates and delivering them to the correct table. I was training a new hire, not sure why this job required training, but I was training him, and we were delivering a couple of plates to this table with two old women. As soon as we set down the plate, one of the women looks up at us and rudely says, "Excuse me, but we haven't had our salad yet". For those of you who haven't been at Ruby Tuesday, the salad bar is a serve yourself deal. It's not a 5 star restaurant.

So I just stood there kinda confused and then asked her what she would like me to do. In the same rude manner she said, "I want you to take that back and cook new meals when we are ready." So I was just like, ooookaaay and took the meals back. She's lucky we didn't spit in her food because all of the employees and supervisors were complaining about her in the back. Stupid woman. Also, we didn't cook her new meals, we just kept the food under the heat lamp and then microwaved it and told her it was fresh. :p

[SaintAshers]

I work at the Movie Theater, I clean after movies are let out, rip tickets, monitor who goes to which movies etc...

Well, I was checking to make sure the screen in one of the movies was okay, and I walked in on people...just to be mature...doing "it"

It was not a pretty site, and I didn't know what to do...it was my first week or so...and I went and got my super, and, hearing what was happening, half of the staff, all went too erm...investigate....the people saw my coworkers...and were uber embaressed...


Things we have found while on the job...
several used condoms
a bloody tampon
a North Dakota license plate....(I'm in Texas)
and several other things

[Chiron Jackal]

Things we have found while on the job...
several used condoms
a bloody tampon
a North Dakota license plate....(I'm in Texas)
and several other things

While working at the theater I mostly found soda cups full of pee. :(

[Dezan]

Well I'm a Marine and while in Iraq I was assigned to escort Third Country Nationalist inside our Battalion headquarters. Well I lost one of the guys, and after three hours of looking for him I found him in the women's restroom trying to talk to a female Liutenant. The woman looked at me and asked what I was looking for, as if short guys from Nepal always frequent the women's bathroom.

[BlasphemousHeart]

let's see, not many funny things happen down here. I'm on a framing crew and they sometimes seem to live off of the taco trucks that come around to the job sites. One day the truck flew past the site and my entire crew (excluding me) either ran or drove down the road after it till it stopped half a mile away.

[Tempest]

Back when I started at the library, a couple of younger looking boys came up to me. They were maybe 12-14 years old. One of them held out his hand and I reluctantly shook it, wondering what the heck they were up to. He introduced himself and asked me what my name was, which I told him. Then he said, "How old do you have to to work here?" I replied, "I think it's 16, but I'm not sure. You should check with the circulation desk." After a couple of seconds they were still standing there looking awkward and silent, so I said, "Is there something else I can help you with?" One of the boys smiled at me and responded, "My friend here was wondering if he could have your number."

Now, I was slightly shocked at this because I know I look young and all but seriously? Having a 12 year old ask me out isn't flattering. The other boy immediately got defensive and started going off on his friend, "WHAT?!?!11 I have a girlfriend already and besides she's like 20 or something!!!" Then he looked at me expectantly. Right, you have a girlfriend, I thought to myself. I just smiled and said, "You're right, I am 20. I think you're a little young for me." Which believe me, I never thought I'd have to say those words. After they walked away I laughed about it for about 5 minutes and saw them walk by looking at me several more times that night. Haven't seen either of them since, though.



I'm sure some of you are aware of the budget cuts many libraries have been facing recently. My workplace is no exception and we were facing very severe cuts a couple of months back. We weren't very silent about our dismay at this either. Don't piss off librarians: they know how to rally the troops! Anyway, while all of this was going on, a boy of about 6 or 7 came up to the circulation desk and said, "I heard you guys are in trouble, so I want you to have this." He handed my coworker a dime. Then he added, "There's more where that came from!" Truly that donation of 10 cents saved the library. :p


I'd also like to add some things to my list of weird stuff I've found: a used pantyliner, two pairs of swim goggles, and a cup of what I believed was breast milk. God, I love my job...

[MetaKittie]

I remember once as a student assistant for a chemistry/physics teacher I had the worst job. I had to go get 12 packs out of his car (which he intentionally left unlocked [?!]) and put them in a little grey cart that weighed enough on its own and push it back up the sloped parking lot into the building. After 20 minutes of huffing and puffing, my face is red, I'm sweaty and exhausted (remember, I'm a shorty who weighs 117 lbs).
I finally make it back to the room with it in tow. And all the students studying go "Oh, we would have done it for you if you let us know" so much effort wasted.

A more terrible one from today; I was on the bus to school because I'm too broke to have a car. And I look over and the kid next to me (freshmen, obviously) is freaking mining for gold in his nose like there is no tomorrow. And guess what? He doesn't realize the bus mirror is picking this up and the WHOLE bus behind him can see. He was in the front row.