Layson
10-12-2009, 02:39 PM
From the Files of Department 118. This is a little less than 17k words. I'm looking for things that can be removed. Please help. I'll start with a couple of segments.
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Chapter 1
The familiarity of her desk, lightly sprinkled with personal paraphernalia, gave little of its usual comfort as she watched the two agents enter the building. Kate knew this day would come. She was aware of the stipulation: three or more reports of the same subject matter, within a six month period, required a mandatory investigation by an appropriate department of the American Empire.
Kate hoped it would be Department 41, who dealt with wild animal reports, but it turned out to be Department 118. She already knew first hand how efficient and successful their investigations were, since they came to town regularly to investigate scoopers. After all, they were the ones who found her and ‘recommended’ she come to Loughlin to use the support groups, discuss her dreams, and generally rehabilitate. Now they would find her once again; they would discover her change in dreams, and the tracks in the dirt of her back yard. It was only a matter of time before they learned what she already knew, whether she could bring herself to admit it or not.
And so the obvious question loomed in her mind: what were their intentions? She had no idea how they would handle the discovery once they found her. Kate abhorred the thought of being gunned down – or worse, put in some zoo paddock with forest décor so they could study her or sliced open on some cold metal slab... The thought made her stomach clench.
She looked at the agents as they made their way to reception. They were again a man and a woman, but they were different agents than the previous ones. This man was young with brown hair, a straight nose and strong eyebrows. His composure hinted of innate shyness keeping him apart from his surroundings. The woman was short with straight raven-black hair and Native American features. She stood with confidence and had a military posture about her. She would be the one of whom Kate needed to be wary.
Suddenly she recalled something Ollie said to her once as a passing whim: ‘keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer.’ Kate wasn’t sure these agents were really her enemies, but the more she knew about their intentions the better.
With a scoot back from her desk, Kate stood and straightened the pony tail keeping her full head of chestnut hair out of her face. She looked at the paper mache dinosaurs on her desk which Ollie’s son Tristan made for her. Kate patted the triceratops on the head with her finger and asked it to wish her luck, and then made her way to Ollie’s office. As she drew closer she glanced through Ollie’s office window, and began to hear elevated tones of an abrasive discussion between Ollie and the woman agent.
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Chapter 1
The familiarity of her desk, lightly sprinkled with personal paraphernalia, gave little of its usual comfort as she watched the two agents enter the building. Kate knew this day would come. She was aware of the stipulation: three or more reports of the same subject matter, within a six month period, required a mandatory investigation by an appropriate department of the American Empire.
Kate hoped it would be Department 41, who dealt with wild animal reports, but it turned out to be Department 118. She already knew first hand how efficient and successful their investigations were, since they came to town regularly to investigate scoopers. After all, they were the ones who found her and ‘recommended’ she come to Loughlin to use the support groups, discuss her dreams, and generally rehabilitate. Now they would find her once again; they would discover her change in dreams, and the tracks in the dirt of her back yard. It was only a matter of time before they learned what she already knew, whether she could bring herself to admit it or not.
And so the obvious question loomed in her mind: what were their intentions? She had no idea how they would handle the discovery once they found her. Kate abhorred the thought of being gunned down – or worse, put in some zoo paddock with forest décor so they could study her or sliced open on some cold metal slab... The thought made her stomach clench.
She looked at the agents as they made their way to reception. They were again a man and a woman, but they were different agents than the previous ones. This man was young with brown hair, a straight nose and strong eyebrows. His composure hinted of innate shyness keeping him apart from his surroundings. The woman was short with straight raven-black hair and Native American features. She stood with confidence and had a military posture about her. She would be the one of whom Kate needed to be wary.
Suddenly she recalled something Ollie said to her once as a passing whim: ‘keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer.’ Kate wasn’t sure these agents were really her enemies, but the more she knew about their intentions the better.
With a scoot back from her desk, Kate stood and straightened the pony tail keeping her full head of chestnut hair out of her face. She looked at the paper mache dinosaurs on her desk which Ollie’s son Tristan made for her. Kate patted the triceratops on the head with her finger and asked it to wish her luck, and then made her way to Ollie’s office. As she drew closer she glanced through Ollie’s office window, and began to hear elevated tones of an abrasive discussion between Ollie and the woman agent.