8puıɯʞɹɐp8
04-21-2010, 07:51 PM
Hello 2d post here. Ive been trying to write some good horror and I need some feedback.
This bit here took me about a week, Im a very slow writer. :) If it's not complete crap I'll post the next bit next week.
Lake Rotting Water
Elgin TX
7:00 A.M.
Friday March 5, 2015
The sky was overcast and the wind had a slight chill when Bill started his trip to work. It was finally the end of the week and he felt mildly upbeat getting into his car. As he came to the first major intersection from his street, a truck sped by, completely ignoring the traffic signal. “Jackass” was the only response Bill had as he waited for the light.
Windows down, cigarette out, lighter, flick, puff, LOUD MUSIC! He passed a smallish lake surrounded by fields and woodland. A sign was planted by the road, reading “Lake Clear Water”. Bill had good memories of the area, as a child his grandfather would take him there to fish, sometimes they would rent a small row boat and paddle around, scaring off all the fish and catching nothing. Most of the time however they would just sit on the dock and talk.
Miles on, “Where are all the other cars?” wonders Bill “Weird, this road is always busy...“
As he turned onto the freeway, there were still no other cars, but some police lights could be seen on the horizon. He slowed down as he approached, people where mingling about around a large wreck. An eighteen wheeler, mini van, and large truck lay split open across the whole of the road way, while two police cars sat to the side, lights flashing, doors left open. Bill pulled to a slow stop about forty yards away. Some of the people on the road turned towards the car and began to stumble nearer. Eyes wide, Bill stared in numb wonder and whispered “What the fuck?…”
The people were mostly covered in blood, rips and cuts marked their bodies. One woman, a bit closer to Bill then the others carried an infant arms length on her side. With every sickening, stumbling step the woman took, the baby swayed and was lightly whipped about. A police officer with no hands or face paced around in a small circle moaning pitilessly. The woman looked into Bill's eyes and groaning woefully, reached her hand out towards him, as if pleading for help. Bill hesitated, then parked his car and pulled out his cell phone. He fumbled with the buttons while mumbling in a very shaky and frightened voice, “Oh God… it’ll be okay, it’ll be fine… im calling for help mamm, just stay calm…shit…shit”.
The infant slid from the women’s hand as she approached the side of Bills car. Her dead eyes instantly changed from sad and helpless, to hard and hungry. A middle aged man crawled from around the side of the wreck, he was cut in half from the waist down. Bill sat in stunned silence as the man labored to drag himself closer.
“All operators are currently busy, please stay on the line. We apologize for the inconvenience.” chimed the phone.
“What!?…how the hell!?…” exclaimed Bill.
Just then the woman viciously threw herself at Bill, she grabbed him and pulled in a blind, frenzied, rage. If his seatbelt hadn’t been on, Bill would have simply been pulled out of the car. As it was though, he was able to push the woman’s head back keeping her snapping jaws at bay. She screamed and scratched at Bill and he screamed and scratched right back. Fighting her with everything he had, he managed to push her away. The other people came steadily closer to the windows. Bill knew he had to do something right there or he would be killed.
With his left hand he pushed as hard as he could on the woman’s forehead, doing what he could to keep away from her mouth. With his right hand he quickly pushed all the window buttons, sealing them just as the horrible people reached them. They roared in frustration and attacked the car. The woman's hands got caught in the window at the wrists, she shrieked terribly and shook the car in her rage. More and more people slowly surrounded the car and Bill went into slight shock for just a moment, the unholy sight of all those bloodied and mangled people all around him…screaming and pounding on his car…It was just to much.
After a moment he came back to himself with a snapp of his head. He popped the car into drive and tore through a side ditch around the wreck. People who where on the car went crashing to the ground. While the woman was dragged along the side of the car. Bill rolled the window down just enough to let her slide free and fall to the pavement, then immediately rolled it back up. In his rearview mirror, he could see people sprinting after him.
“Jesus Christ on a stick! Fuck…what was that?!”
This bit here took me about a week, Im a very slow writer. :) If it's not complete crap I'll post the next bit next week.
Lake Rotting Water
Elgin TX
7:00 A.M.
Friday March 5, 2015
The sky was overcast and the wind had a slight chill when Bill started his trip to work. It was finally the end of the week and he felt mildly upbeat getting into his car. As he came to the first major intersection from his street, a truck sped by, completely ignoring the traffic signal. “Jackass” was the only response Bill had as he waited for the light.
Windows down, cigarette out, lighter, flick, puff, LOUD MUSIC! He passed a smallish lake surrounded by fields and woodland. A sign was planted by the road, reading “Lake Clear Water”. Bill had good memories of the area, as a child his grandfather would take him there to fish, sometimes they would rent a small row boat and paddle around, scaring off all the fish and catching nothing. Most of the time however they would just sit on the dock and talk.
Miles on, “Where are all the other cars?” wonders Bill “Weird, this road is always busy...“
As he turned onto the freeway, there were still no other cars, but some police lights could be seen on the horizon. He slowed down as he approached, people where mingling about around a large wreck. An eighteen wheeler, mini van, and large truck lay split open across the whole of the road way, while two police cars sat to the side, lights flashing, doors left open. Bill pulled to a slow stop about forty yards away. Some of the people on the road turned towards the car and began to stumble nearer. Eyes wide, Bill stared in numb wonder and whispered “What the fuck?…”
The people were mostly covered in blood, rips and cuts marked their bodies. One woman, a bit closer to Bill then the others carried an infant arms length on her side. With every sickening, stumbling step the woman took, the baby swayed and was lightly whipped about. A police officer with no hands or face paced around in a small circle moaning pitilessly. The woman looked into Bill's eyes and groaning woefully, reached her hand out towards him, as if pleading for help. Bill hesitated, then parked his car and pulled out his cell phone. He fumbled with the buttons while mumbling in a very shaky and frightened voice, “Oh God… it’ll be okay, it’ll be fine… im calling for help mamm, just stay calm…shit…shit”.
The infant slid from the women’s hand as she approached the side of Bills car. Her dead eyes instantly changed from sad and helpless, to hard and hungry. A middle aged man crawled from around the side of the wreck, he was cut in half from the waist down. Bill sat in stunned silence as the man labored to drag himself closer.
“All operators are currently busy, please stay on the line. We apologize for the inconvenience.” chimed the phone.
“What!?…how the hell!?…” exclaimed Bill.
Just then the woman viciously threw herself at Bill, she grabbed him and pulled in a blind, frenzied, rage. If his seatbelt hadn’t been on, Bill would have simply been pulled out of the car. As it was though, he was able to push the woman’s head back keeping her snapping jaws at bay. She screamed and scratched at Bill and he screamed and scratched right back. Fighting her with everything he had, he managed to push her away. The other people came steadily closer to the windows. Bill knew he had to do something right there or he would be killed.
With his left hand he pushed as hard as he could on the woman’s forehead, doing what he could to keep away from her mouth. With his right hand he quickly pushed all the window buttons, sealing them just as the horrible people reached them. They roared in frustration and attacked the car. The woman's hands got caught in the window at the wrists, she shrieked terribly and shook the car in her rage. More and more people slowly surrounded the car and Bill went into slight shock for just a moment, the unholy sight of all those bloodied and mangled people all around him…screaming and pounding on his car…It was just to much.
After a moment he came back to himself with a snapp of his head. He popped the car into drive and tore through a side ditch around the wreck. People who where on the car went crashing to the ground. While the woman was dragged along the side of the car. Bill rolled the window down just enough to let her slide free and fall to the pavement, then immediately rolled it back up. In his rearview mirror, he could see people sprinting after him.
“Jesus Christ on a stick! Fuck…what was that?!”