Wraywolf
12-22-2003, 04:06 PM
Wraywolf Industries is proud to announce a successful resurrection after a short hiatus from production. Wraywolf, owner and founder of the synthetic body hair producing giant has risen the company from its grave with high hopes and new aspirations.
“We decided that eyebrows and goatees just weren’t enough.” Says Wray in a recent interview with Werewoof Today, “We are now producing whole new lines of merchandise to make the world a better place. Our new slogan says this. Wraywolf Industries. ‘We don’t just make eyebrows anymore.’ We think it’s an improvement of our old slogan, which was ‘Buy my stuff or I’ll fuck you in the ass’. Friendlyer, for one.”
So now, without any further dealy, we give you the new line of Wraywolf Merchandise!
The Instant Messenger Epileptic Inducer: You know those annoying 8 year olds that will Instant Message you for eternity never taking the hint that you would rather stick your head into a pile of flaming camel shit then have an extended conversation with them? Now you can send them into insane fits of convulsions and hurt with the Instant Messenger Epileptic Inducer, or IMEI for short. A product of the recently resurrected Wraywolf Industries, this insanely useful device will relieve you of all those annoying little pricks with 20 numbers in their screen names. Once activated, the IMEI will cause the offenders screen to show the old, unedited episodes of Pokemon, sending the little bastard into a frenzy of motion, pain, and permanent brain damage! What’s better, the amount of radiation the IMEI generates will sterilize anyone stupid enough to merit the punishment, therefore cleansing the human gene pool. Buy now, the fate of the planet rides with you!
The Scapegoat-Gun: Oh no, another school shooting! Time to blame those nasty violent videogames instead of taking our responsibility as a parent and admitting that our kid is a raging psychotic fucktard because we were to busy fucking our family members to raise our own gill covered mutant crack baby. But what’s this? Why yes, it’s Wraywolf Industries with the answer to your continued existence and the problems that result because of it! The Scapegoat gun, using the latest in redneck hunting technology, automatically seeks the stupidity that scapegoats produce, and destroys the source before the cancerous idiocy spreads into the media and harms the innocent members of the gaming community. Routinely fire the Scapegoat-Gun into the air for preventive measures. Its Nanotech rounds will prove the silver bullet for rednecks and republicans alike. Buy now!
Worlds Smallest Violin: Oh, despair, complain, bitch, and moan! No one understands me and no one ever will! Oh, but they will be sorry when I’m gone. Then they will wish they were nicer. You’ll all be sorry. Newsflash, no we won’t! Tired of those prissy Goth kids ruining your day with their badly written poetry and chronic complaining? Get rid of them! With Wraywolf Industries patented Worlds Smallest Violin! These nifty pocket sized devices are tuned to the high-pitched tones of angsty teenagers bitching about things absolutely no one cares about. The Violin then generates a special frequency that enters the whiner’s brain, and then causes the entire frontal lobe to spontaneously combust, finally ending the teens horrendous life and concluding their complaining and finally doing what they said they were going to do for 5 months running! Everyone wins with the Worlds Smallest Violin!
All material, ideas, words and letters (C) Wraywolf Industries.
Wraywolf Industries. ‘We don’t just make eyebrows anymore.’
“We decided that eyebrows and goatees just weren’t enough.” Says Wray in a recent interview with Werewoof Today, “We are now producing whole new lines of merchandise to make the world a better place. Our new slogan says this. Wraywolf Industries. ‘We don’t just make eyebrows anymore.’ We think it’s an improvement of our old slogan, which was ‘Buy my stuff or I’ll fuck you in the ass’. Friendlyer, for one.”
So now, without any further dealy, we give you the new line of Wraywolf Merchandise!
The Instant Messenger Epileptic Inducer: You know those annoying 8 year olds that will Instant Message you for eternity never taking the hint that you would rather stick your head into a pile of flaming camel shit then have an extended conversation with them? Now you can send them into insane fits of convulsions and hurt with the Instant Messenger Epileptic Inducer, or IMEI for short. A product of the recently resurrected Wraywolf Industries, this insanely useful device will relieve you of all those annoying little pricks with 20 numbers in their screen names. Once activated, the IMEI will cause the offenders screen to show the old, unedited episodes of Pokemon, sending the little bastard into a frenzy of motion, pain, and permanent brain damage! What’s better, the amount of radiation the IMEI generates will sterilize anyone stupid enough to merit the punishment, therefore cleansing the human gene pool. Buy now, the fate of the planet rides with you!
The Scapegoat-Gun: Oh no, another school shooting! Time to blame those nasty violent videogames instead of taking our responsibility as a parent and admitting that our kid is a raging psychotic fucktard because we were to busy fucking our family members to raise our own gill covered mutant crack baby. But what’s this? Why yes, it’s Wraywolf Industries with the answer to your continued existence and the problems that result because of it! The Scapegoat gun, using the latest in redneck hunting technology, automatically seeks the stupidity that scapegoats produce, and destroys the source before the cancerous idiocy spreads into the media and harms the innocent members of the gaming community. Routinely fire the Scapegoat-Gun into the air for preventive measures. Its Nanotech rounds will prove the silver bullet for rednecks and republicans alike. Buy now!
Worlds Smallest Violin: Oh, despair, complain, bitch, and moan! No one understands me and no one ever will! Oh, but they will be sorry when I’m gone. Then they will wish they were nicer. You’ll all be sorry. Newsflash, no we won’t! Tired of those prissy Goth kids ruining your day with their badly written poetry and chronic complaining? Get rid of them! With Wraywolf Industries patented Worlds Smallest Violin! These nifty pocket sized devices are tuned to the high-pitched tones of angsty teenagers bitching about things absolutely no one cares about. The Violin then generates a special frequency that enters the whiner’s brain, and then causes the entire frontal lobe to spontaneously combust, finally ending the teens horrendous life and concluding their complaining and finally doing what they said they were going to do for 5 months running! Everyone wins with the Worlds Smallest Violin!
All material, ideas, words and letters (C) Wraywolf Industries.
Wraywolf Industries. ‘We don’t just make eyebrows anymore.’