Xzengrim
07-05-2004, 03:01 AM
Greetings all! I have been reading a lot of military history recently and I have realized that barbarian hordes kick ass. So I would like to start my own horde. I am currently accepting people for all positions except Master of the HOrde, which I get to be because it was my idea.
Now if you would like to join the horde:
First, you need some underpants and a magic marker. The cornerstone of all good barbarianing is a trusty loincloth and some awesome "magic runes" all over your body to inspire fear in the civilized. I would also draw on some battle scars if I were you, cause nothing says manliness like a nice hideous war-wound. Next, you must mess up your hair, and it's probably also a good idea to throw away any soap you might have lying around. It also couldn't hurt to hang some weird stuff off you, like a bone in your nose or a crab-claw in your hair. It scares people who have better hair than you; which is to say... everyone.
Next, you need a weapon. As a rule we will be bashing a lot of stuff, so you probably shouldn't pick a weapon that can't be created by bashing. A chair or table leg is a good bet. So is a stop sign or maybe a sprinkler key; the important part is that you destroy something useful in getting the weapon. Practice your bashing skills on a car or the side of a castle before you attempt them on a person. Remember, first impressions are valuable!
From there, you basically just make it up as you go. THe important thing to remember is that there is NOTHING in life that cannot be attained by bashing. You can bash people for money, bash for posessions, houses, tracts of land, even women and religious institutions. Need yourself a wife? First, find some guy with a hot girlfriend. Then, bash his head in with a fire hydrant. Then bash the girl with the hydrant as well(only not as hard). Before she knows it, the two of you will be hitched and you will have bashed her a nice house, some money, and maybe some slaves from the cities we conquer. The important part is to remember the bashing. Write it on your hand if you have to, it's worth remembering.
I think that our first task should be to sack something. Maybe Rome. I'm also looking for people to write us a battle cry, preferably something short and catchy with a lot of grunting involved. I also want to have a think tank to sit around and come up with new war atrocities we can come up with in order to spread tales of our barbarism and feirceness in battle. Cause everybody loves that.
Also, I already told Wraywolf he could be my lieutenant. A job like this will man him up faster than anything else I can think of. So that job's already taken. We also look for hill-people, berserkers, and maybe some guys who can drive elephants like on LOTR: Return of the King.
It's going to be awesome. Bring resume.
Now if you would like to join the horde:
First, you need some underpants and a magic marker. The cornerstone of all good barbarianing is a trusty loincloth and some awesome "magic runes" all over your body to inspire fear in the civilized. I would also draw on some battle scars if I were you, cause nothing says manliness like a nice hideous war-wound. Next, you must mess up your hair, and it's probably also a good idea to throw away any soap you might have lying around. It also couldn't hurt to hang some weird stuff off you, like a bone in your nose or a crab-claw in your hair. It scares people who have better hair than you; which is to say... everyone.
Next, you need a weapon. As a rule we will be bashing a lot of stuff, so you probably shouldn't pick a weapon that can't be created by bashing. A chair or table leg is a good bet. So is a stop sign or maybe a sprinkler key; the important part is that you destroy something useful in getting the weapon. Practice your bashing skills on a car or the side of a castle before you attempt them on a person. Remember, first impressions are valuable!
From there, you basically just make it up as you go. THe important thing to remember is that there is NOTHING in life that cannot be attained by bashing. You can bash people for money, bash for posessions, houses, tracts of land, even women and religious institutions. Need yourself a wife? First, find some guy with a hot girlfriend. Then, bash his head in with a fire hydrant. Then bash the girl with the hydrant as well(only not as hard). Before she knows it, the two of you will be hitched and you will have bashed her a nice house, some money, and maybe some slaves from the cities we conquer. The important part is to remember the bashing. Write it on your hand if you have to, it's worth remembering.
I think that our first task should be to sack something. Maybe Rome. I'm also looking for people to write us a battle cry, preferably something short and catchy with a lot of grunting involved. I also want to have a think tank to sit around and come up with new war atrocities we can come up with in order to spread tales of our barbarism and feirceness in battle. Cause everybody loves that.
Also, I already told Wraywolf he could be my lieutenant. A job like this will man him up faster than anything else I can think of. So that job's already taken. We also look for hill-people, berserkers, and maybe some guys who can drive elephants like on LOTR: Return of the King.
It's going to be awesome. Bring resume.