Nothing of steel is made without fire ...

[WhiteCrowUK]

Our kind of unofficial family motto is,

Nothing of steel is made without fire,
And the trials of life are the flames with which we draw strength ...

This is what you get when you are the son of a metallurgist anyway. ;)

Its true though, for iron ore to become steel it is really put through the wringer. Its melted down to remove its impurities and all the crap, then cooled down to become hard and then generally beaten into a desired shape.

But at the end, its a much stronger material, and has been forged into a purpose.

So I'm opening this question (this is where this becomes a philosophy question rather than science 101), what events have really put you through the wringer, yet now much further down the line you realise you are a better person because you've grown from that event ...

[Blazer]

Reminds me of an old Japanese quote. Can't remember the exact words:
"The iron thinks the furnace is unjust; the tempered sword looks back and knows better."

I've had some tough times in my life. Looking back, I wouldn't like to re-live any of them and I haven't noticed any direct change in my personality. Except maybe I'm a little more paranoid and untrusting.

[Klark]

And why they call me Superman....

There's been a lot for me. The death of my father when I was 11. My mother getting hit by that truck and breaking both hips. Me giving up college to finish high school and take care of her at the same time. Me then giving up the next six years of my life to take care of her. That's just a few things but all in all I can say that it's my life and it's made me realize that I can survive and keep going. I don't give up because of these things and I think that's a good quality to have.

[GhostBat]

Well...

From the time I was born until I was 5, my mother and father gave me an amazing life. Of course, that was because my mother and father hated each other, and the only reason they remained together was because of me. The world revolved around me.

However, at 5 my parents divorced, followed by a year of awful arguments and fighting. I remained in my mother's company, but I was far closer to my father. Not only was I spoiled rotten from the extra attention, I was pissed to be without my father, and I made my mother know it. That was a very hard time for me, because the world as I knew it had suddenly taken a sharp dip into what I thought of as hell.

It was for the better, I know now, because I would otherwise have grown into a real spoiled snot.

***

Around the age of 8 my mom hired a babysitter, who was 15 at the time. Her name was Kisha, and I really admired her. Kisha complained of leg pains from time to time, but it wasn't too often, so we didn't think much of it.

As time wore on, the leg pains increased, and headaches followed soon after. Dilating her pupils, Kisha's eye doctor noticed something pushing behind her eyes and informed her parents that it should be checked. Brain scans revealed she had a brain tumor the size of an egg in the middle of her brain. Non-surgical approaches were tried, but surgery was unavoidable.

They cut her brain in half, and tried to remove as much of the tumor as possible. It wasn't successful, and she lost a large amount of her motor skills. She was confined to a wheelchair, and I went over constantly to help her mother with their needs. It was very hard on me, and her mother as well.

Kisha couldn't even feed herself, and was later confined to her bed. Progressively, her condition worsened. Two days before her 17th birthday, she died.

That was one of the worst experiences I've ever faced. It was unbearable to watch her slowly die right before me, and not be able to do anything about it. In the end, I had learned how fragile human life can be. That was a hard lesson to learn...

***

My final major hardship was with my mother's ex boyfriend, John. At first, he was a really fun guy, and I really liked him. He was amazing at basketball, and would have made it to the pros had his knee not given out.

For some reason or another, he turned to drugs and became addicted to crack. I can't understand why, but my mother refused to leave him, even after he started to become violent. Whenever John hit her, I had to ice her bruises, and try to stop her from crying.

He moved into our house, and for many months my mother and John would lock themselves in "their" room, and I would only see them when they made food for me. I really felt alone, and realise now I was suffering from depression during that time.

On her way home from work one night, John beat her and took her money. She came home crying, again.

I woke up early in the morning too a pounding on the door. So, I walked down the stairs, just in time to see John break down the front door. The frame splintered, and John saw me on the steps. He said he would never hurt me, but I never believed him.

Instead of trying to make John leave, my mother had us move to our grandparents. I lived there for 5 months while my mom worked in another city, trying to earn money to buy a house. We just didn't feel safe in the current city anymore.

This occured over "only" a year, but it seemed so much longer. Why my mother refused to leave him, I will never understand. However, there is one thing no one will ever catch me doing, and that is making the same mistake my mother did.

[chriz]

Almost dying in the woods in Maine from exposure.

Having my cousin commit suicide a week after spending the summer at our place.

Being made to sit at the dinner table until I ate all my spinach (that was the worst)!

[LV426]

Almost too many to name.


When I was 13 I took care of my grandmother and watched her die over a period of months. Fading away bit by bit until only a frail old shell of who she was remained.


Surviving the demon spawn that is my mother.

Surviving numerous hideous relationships full of lies, abuse, or torture.

Being homeless and figuring out a way out of the hell I had let myself get into.

Giving into a wish and what I thought was a promise. Finding only broken glass and broken promises at the bottom of a ravine.

[WhiteCrowUK]

Well after all those from the heart stories, I feel I have to say a kind of "I salute your courage".

I have a mixed bag of bad experiences. One of the worst being seeing someone killed in a brawl which just span out of control.

I think these things leave a mark on you, and sometimes its year (if ever) before you can leave their shadow. One way out is just to become very guarded against the world, But its also possible to find out in coping we're much stronger on the inside than we'd ever really credit ourselves.

[Darth Cluich]

Getting ditched by my ex-fiancee in '96. It was not done in the best of ways...

[DarkWolf]

Hmm. Seems to be a "woe is me for a reason" type of thread. Ok, I'll share.

--

Aged 4 (just). Getting hit in the head because some kid was running around like a lunatic and came from behind a corner. I had to have an operation from it and have worn glasses ever since.

Aged 4. My brother set my hair on fire for fun.

Aged 4. Got beaten to the floor with a metal pole.

Aged 4. Got cut in the face by some kid with wire.

Aged 4 almost 5. The main bullying started, mostly by my brother but it quickly began by others. Mostly just name-calling, tripping me up, spitting at me, kicking me and pushing me around.

This got worse, little by little over the course of some years.

Aged 6 1/2 onwards to 9 1/2: Bullying reached the peak. This included punching, kicking, biting, pushing, tripping, name-calling, rumours, and also people attacking me with sticks, stones (heh), poles, and even bricks and on one incident a cement block (thrown at me, it missed narrowly). Also had people throwing blades at me, and glass shards and darts.

The bullying was mostly, my brother, 98% of everyone I knew outside the family, strangers (from my age to 20), and also teachers.

9 1/2. Almost killed myself.

Aged 10 1/2. Bullying had greatly died down, except from my brother who smashed my head into a wall.

Still 10 1/2. My brother locked me in a cupboard. I was unable to get out - the door was tightly jammed. At that time I had a deep phobia of the dark and progressively went into a panic attack - near, fainting, screaming, with spasms in my legs and stomach, feeling sick and dizzy and shivering all over. My dad came, it took all his strength to open the door (for a man who has worked in physical labour his entire life, that's a fair bit). I explained, my brother lied, and me being the second son who always lied (even though I never did), and always caused trouble (even though all i did was sit in my room and read and learn): I was grounded for two days and because I stormed into my room upset my dad smacked me across the back, arse and legs until they were red and slightly blistered. This was the ONLY time my dad has ever hit me (thankfully because it bloody hurt - I couldn't sit without a stinging pain for over a week).

After that the bullying died down, even from my brother.

From 4 to NOW: My dad getting drunk every week and calling my mother slut, slag, whore, bitch, cripple, slapper, etc constantly and doing everything he could to insult any form of ego such as "I had a cripple for a mother, I shouldn't have one for a wife". (My mother is disabled, she has a bone disease in the back that has crumbled the disks and has even caused a hole and trapped a nerve).

My dad putting me down at every turn: "why were you born?" "you'll never be anything" "you're just a waste of space" etc.

Aged 17. Came home after finished college again with well over double the national average of qualifications for my field for a 21-year old.... I still got my dad throwing them back at me saying "it doesn't mean anything" and "you'll still be nothing".

Almost every christmas since I was six has been my dad and mom arguing. They even fought (as in punching and kicking) because they went out and he snogged another woman infront of mom so she stormed off and ignored it all. Dad came home, pissed as usual, and mom came home later. She woke dad up telling him she wouldn't stand for him kissing another woman when married etc (which is to be expected after been married for a long time). He played up, pushing her, smashing the tables and ornaments and then started on her. Me and Kev had to stop him.

Welcome to my usual christmas.

Two years ago my uncle killed himself near my birthday. Later that year my great-grandmother died from cancer.

In the past few months, well since November really, my dad was seeing another woman. After the usual arguments of christmas had died down, near the end of january: he announced over the phone that it was over. Since then he's been manipulative, causing arguments, playing mind games, lying to mom and kev, having us followed and watched, and is trying to force mom to move out so he can move his new girlfriend in.

It's still not settled, the lawyers are doing their thing but it seems clear that the proverbial shit has yet to hit the fan.

During this time, one marriage, two relationships, all family and friends have ended and heard stories of over ten divorces just happening and all in the area.

--

The lesson:

Shit happens. So wipe your ass, flush, and wash hands.

(events occur that cause great grief (shit) but just deal with the situation (wipe), get over it (flush) and move on (wash) with little affect and only a lingering bad memory (the smell...).

Lesson 2: Never get married.

[Klark]

Hmm. Seems to be a "woe is me for a reason" type of thread. Ok, I'll share.

The lesson:

Shit happens. So wipe your ass, flush, and wash hands.

(events occur that cause great grief (shit) but just deal with the situation (wipe), get over it (flush) and move on (wash) with little affect and only a lingering bad memory (the smell...).

Lesson 2: Never get married.

This is no "woe is me" type thread. He simply inquired as to what trials and tribulations we've been through, as each life is different. We have a starting point, all of us, equal blobs of baby flesh being born. From there, each life is different. Each life will endure through it's own trials.

Haven't you ever wondered if say "That thing" hadn't happened if you would be any different? If it hadn't happened, then you wouldn't have gone through whatever it was that you went through and you would indeed be different.

While it is not only the bad that helps to create the steel (person) from the fire (life), it is the bad that tends to be a stepping stone to shaping us more dramatically. The good is kind of like polishing up the rough edges.

Judging by your lessons there, I'd say that you let them beat the compassion out of you. I'm sorry that happened...

[DarkWolf]

Judging by your lessons there, I'd say that you let them beat the compassion out of you. I'm sorry that happened...I don't see how. I'm generally compassionate. My lessons are that life goes on - keep trying for the best and also to care for the victims because I know exactly what they went through.

And in my opinions yes this is a "woe is me for a reason" thread. People share their bad experiences ("woe is me") and what they learned from it ("for a reason"). ;)

[Klark]

I don't see how. I'm generally compassionate. My lessons are that life goes on - keep trying for the best and also to care for the victims because I know exactly what they went through.

And in my opinions yes this is a "woe is me for a reason" thread. People share their bad experiences ("woe is me") and what they learned from it ("for a reason"). ;)

I was just stating how I viewed what you said in your lessons. Thanks for clarifying. :)

[DarkWolf]

I was just stating how I viewed what you said in your lessons. Thanks for clarifying. :)
No worries. I have my bad moments but generally I try to be a positive person.

[WhiteCrowUK]

Can I just say - and I should have posted this before. Some of what people have posted here is very personal stuff - I would personally think very little of anyone who posted on here to mock, or used any contents of anyones post here against them at a later date. [And I hope the mods back this]

That said - I am hoping the theme is more triumph in adversity. Bad things happen, but they perhaps leave us a little wiser, maybe a little more humble and perhaps even a little more spiritual ...

Its how we deal and move on from them which really is what makes us who we are.

[DarkWolf]

I would personally think very little of anyone who posted on here to mock, or used any contents of anyones post here against them at a later date. [And I hope the mods back this]We will. If I see any post in a forum I moderate using this personal information against them then it will be sufficiently neg-repped and deleted. We all have skeletons in our closet, we all have secrets and we all have bad memories. A lot of these things are NOT EASY to get over, so I doubt anybody needs to have it thrown back at them.

Its how we deal and move on from them which really is what makes us who we are.To add to this, from my viewpoint: "It's our strengths that make us a race but our flaws that define us as an individual."